Let me get this out there right away:
self-care IS other-care
While arguably overused, the oxygen mask analogy remains valid. You can’t take care of others if you aren’t taking care of yourself. Caring for yourself means you are thoughtfully paying proper attention to your own needs, so that you can become the best version of yourself. When you do that, your ability and motivation to serve others is maximized.
The personal needs I’m talking about are the energy drivers featured in The 5 Choices: The Path to Extraordinary Productivity. These drivers make up the focus of the 5th choice, Fuel Your Fire.
- SLEEP: After extensive research and personal experience, I remain firm that you must protect your sleep at all costs. This means having a consistent bedtime, getting adequate quantity and quality, and making few exceptions to your routine.
- MOVE: Both cardio and strength help tremendously here, but if you are just starting or restarting, I recommend cardio first. Go for a daily walk, try different fitness activities. I recently began playing pickle ball again. So fun! It’s great for the heart, muscles, and mind.
- EAT: If this were a weight loss post, eating would be #2. You’ve probably heard it a hundred times: you can’t exercise your way out of a bad diet. Absolutely true. What you put in your body is your fuel. If you put junk in there, you will be sluggish.
- RELAX: My go-to relaxation method is reading. I love it because I get to be comfortable and learn at the same time. It’s my reward at the end of a productive day. You might choose a different method; I believe any healthy habit that restores you counts as relaxing.
- CONNECT: If you are an extrovert, then this energy driver may be more important than relaxing. Either way, it’s important not to isolate yourself. Deliberately engage in meaningful connections that make your soul happy, and do your best to avoid those that don’t.
I have reordered the drivers slightly according to the Accountability Evangelist’s suggested priority. Specifically, I have moved Sleep to #1 rather than the third position it occupies in the book. I don’t recall the book putting them in priority order per se, but I think it’s important to emphasize that if you aren’t sleeping well, then the rest is going to be difficult to execute effectively.
So, now that you know what I mean by taking care of yourself, let me take it a step further, in the context of ambitious goals.
In order to achieve an ambitious goal, you have to attend to it. You have to think about it frequently, acquire new skills and knowledge, and take actions that will move you closer to your goal (concepts from Goals! by Brian Tracy). When you are doing this, you may feel a pang of guilt that you are neglecting your other obligations. You may be tempted to postpone pursuit of your goal because you have to take care of your family or other VIPs first.
I want to flip that thinking around: If you do not pursue your ambitious goals, you are doing your VIPs a disservice.
Why? Because my assumption is that if you are an accountable person, then you have a growth mindset and you are called to serve. And when you are called to serve, your ambitious goals almost always lead to a significant benefit for others. You may be the primary beneficiary, but rarely do you ever choose a goal that impacts only you. Your goals lead you to the best version of yourself, the version that is able to serve others with more capacity, energy, and confidence than ever before.
But you can’t be the best version of yourself if you aren’t investing in yourself by fueling your fire and tending to your ambitious goals.
- Do you want to go back to school to get your degree?
- Do you want to launch a new business?
- Do you want to start a new nutrition and fitness routine?
- Do you want to write a book?
- Do you want to focus on your spirituality?
These are just a few examples, all of which would likely result in you becoming a better you. The you who is more proficient, more patient, and more pleasant. This is how you control your behavior to influence others. You become a role model and you become a person with whom people want to interact more. Your energy will be contagious and your influence therefore will increase. And with your audience paying closer attention, you can have a bigger impact.
That is how you transform the lives of other people.
self-care IS other-care
Take care of your needs and your ambitions. And don’t spend any time feeling bad about doing that. Instead, feel good about making the most of who you are and who you can be. Everyone around you will benefit when you take care of you.
