If you are not black – and especially if you are white, you may silently struggle with not knowing what to do to show your support of the black community. I’ve been silently struggling for quite some time, even while I am actively involved, for example, in promoting diversity efforts in the startup community and non-profits I support. That’s not enough. And, it’s not a valid excuse to do nothing because you don’t know what to do. So, I want to offer some practical ways you can clearly demonstrate that Black Lives Matter.
1. Intentionally celebrate Black History Month
Without the season of Lent, would Catholics deliberately take an annual opportunity for solemn reflection? I believe most would not. It’s helpful to have the structure of the Lenten tradition because it provides a predictable container of self-reflection for this community of faith. Similarly, I believe Black History Month offers us the opportunity to look back on the past year and consider the progress we’ve made in terms of being an ally to people of color, and what we will do in the coming year to continue to make positive, forward progress in that regard. As with Lent, it’s also a time to be honest with ourselves about where we fell short, and make a commitment to correcting our mistakes.
There are TONS of great resources to consult in order to be better educated about black history and culture. They exist year-round but are typically highlighted during Black History Month, so it’s a good time to explore them.
2. Don’t take your foot off the gas
As Black History Month comes to an end, it would be easy to go back to “normal” – whatever that means. The thing is, “normal” for black people includes racism and until it doesn’t, we all need to maintain consistent focus on this critically important human rights matter. We should not need another highly publicized incident of wrongdoing against people of color for us to stand at attention. In case we didn’t realize this before 2020, it’s now crystal clear that those incidents are far more common than we previously realized.
A core concept I teach about accountability is to guard against becoming complacent. That means you intentionally think about accountability, talk about it, study it, and demonstrate it on a regular basis. The same applies to anti-racism. Intermittent effort leads to intermittent results. Consistent effort leads to consistent results.
3. Speak up
A few days ago, I finished reading Can’t Hurt Me by David Goggins. His hardships were numerous, compounded by and often instigated by racism. He started to turn his life around the day he began the practice of using an Accountability Mirror. That moment ultimately led to him realizing he had a choice. He could choose how he responded to his life circumstances, including racism.
We too can choose how we respond to racism. Not only can we choose, we must. It is not acceptable to ignore the choice or think it doesn’t apply to us if we aren’t black. It’s precisely because we aren’t black that we can’t ignore the choice. Those of us with white privilege are born with the obligation to speak up and speak out. We had no control over being born white just as black people had no control over being born black. Can we expect black people to somehow overcome centuries of mistreatment while we can get away with doing nothing? I don’t think so.
From my perspective, racism is a form of psychological abuse (and unfortunately sometimes leads to physical abuse).
Psychological abuse is any attempt to make a person feel “less than”. When you label racism as abuse, it’s harder to pretend that it’s even remotely ok to be a racist. It’s not.
My definition of accountable is serving others by doing whatever it takes to be the best person you can be. Being consistently accountable in that context makes you a great person. Therefore, racists are neither accountable, nor great people. So, let’s stop tolerating racist attitudes and behaviors from people who are otherwise (supposedly) “good”.
I’m coming on a bit strong here and so I want to acknowledge another important feature of accountable people: having a growth mindset. The opposite – a fixed mindset – believes that personal traits cannot change. Research shows that is simply not true. This gives me hope and and reminds me to have compassion for those who are making the honest effort to move away from their past racism toward becoming a true ally. For some people, it may take time to unravel and dismantle racist beliefs…but we must demand forward progress.
My daughter was recently in line behind a customer at a counter-service restaurant who was berating a female employee. If you’ve ever worked in a customer service role before, you know it’s not easy – or even necessarily permitted – to defend yourself when you are being attacked. Recognizing this, my daughter stepped in to address the rude customer, firmly and respectfully calling him out on his behavior. He protested but she wouldn’t back down. He muttered some not-so-nice comments in her direction and left.
The employee my daughter defended shared afterward that she was having a bad day before that rude encounter. Therefore, she was even more grateful that my daughter had the courage to intervene on her behalf. Think about the impact my daughter had on the employee, her manager (who witnessed the incident) and the customer whom she corrected? All three got the message that bad behavior is bad behavior.
What if my daughter hadn’t been there and/or didn’t take action? What if no one defended the employee? That employee’s faith in humanity would have taken a nosedive. That’s what happens when we don’t step up and speak up for people who are oppressed.
This restaurant incident is a narrow example, but an important one. It’s one person’s brave action in support of another person that makes all the difference – and that difference makes an impact long after the moment it began.
We must have the courage to intervene. I repeat: racism is abuse. Silence suggests consent, and people continue to get hurt. The most important action we can take is to stop it when we see it. You could just make someone’s day – and maybe even save their life.
